Dealing with a Break-Up

breakupLike in all relationships, dealing with a break up is hard.  It is not any more difficult to deal with a break-up in a gay or lesbian relationship.  Here are a few things to think about when you are freshly broken-up with or you broke up with your significant other.

RULE ONE: Give yourself time to heal.  No matter if you were the one doing the breaking-up or the one broken up with, you need to allow yourself some time to get used to this new life.  It is going to be different for you to not have that person to turn to when you are having personal issues.  You will begin to notice other people more and more every day.  And with this, you will soon become attracted to other people, slowly but surely.  That was one of the issues with my latest break-up, I felt like I would not be attracted to anyone else.  However, once I began to notice the attractiveness of people again, both physically and mentally, I knew that my relationship life was not over.

RULE TWO: Don’t just go out and screw anything that you can get a hold of.  I have seen it far too many times out there in the gay community, guys going out and picking up a trick after they recently broke up with their partner.  Not only does this make you look like a slut, but it will eventually begin to damage you mentally and emotionally.  I know this strictly from experience.  When I was 19 years old, I broke up with this guy that I was dating for over a year.  And what did I do to “cope” with this, I went to the gay clubs in Chicago, and found me some physically attractive guys, and took them home with me for the night.  After a few times of doing this, I did not feel like myself anymore, and forced myself to stop this charade.  I felt lost, and I felt dirty.  I did not want to feel like this any longer.  I followed rule one, and give myself time to heal, and then put myself back on the market.  Eventually, I found someone new, and he made me really happy.

RULE THREE: Be sure that you are TURELY ready to put yourself back on the market.  It is common to see guys who think that they are ready to find themselves a new relationship, when they really are not ready.  And sadly, they realize this when it is too late.  They have to end up hurting someone else; because they realized that they were not ready to be in a relationship yet.  This happened to me relatively recently.  I was dating this guy, and he ended up breaking up with me because he realized, after more than a month, that he was still in love with his ex-boyfriend.  This caused some major issues with my morale and with my mind.  I gave up on dating for a while, but guess what, after a few months, that same guy came around, and wanted to be with me again.  However, even with that, I couldn’t do it because I was afraid that that situation would happen again.

Life is difficult, and it can get even more difficult when dealing with a break-up.  If you can manage to follow these three simple rules, then the chances of you being able to live a more fulfilling life in the future multiplies.

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